This is about taking risks.
I have been busy lately learning Photoshop after having paint shop pro. I think I only learned how to "do" layers in Paint Shop last November of 2007 or thereabouts. After months of deliberation and strange conversations with myself that went like: "Yes! -No, too expensive. -Do it! -No, use what I have. -Well, Maybe..." I finally risked and purchased new software. I broke down and bought the Adobe CS3 Web Premium. I already had Macromedia's Dreamweaver and Fireworks, which I love, and this included an entire update of Dreamweaver and Fireworks.
I thought that I could do everything I wanted to do with what I already had installed. Well, I was wrong. The CS3 is making me "oooh" and "aaaha!" and wonder how I ever did without it. The User Guides came in a separate box weighing in at 15.7 pounds. At first I cringed at the thought of all this material, but it has been very handy! If I have a question I grab the guide and look it up.
It was amazing when I made my very first PDF. The thrill of taking on a challenge and seeing the final results gives one a real sense of accomplishment. "Oh, so that's how they do it!" Duh. 
The cost made me cringe. It still makes me cringe thinking of how much I invested in this software. However, this gives me the push I need to make it useful to me and to stretch myself beyond my self-imposed boundaries. I took the risk.
I gained perspective from months of conversations between "me" and "myself." First, it's okay to talk yourself out of something. Second, it's okay to change your mind and talk yourself into something. Third, it's okay (AND RISKY) to admit you talked to yourself. 
I mean, it was a huge decision to spend so much!
Okay, I have to run and shut down...it is hailing and pouring rain out here. The storms in IL are a daily/nightly event.
Have a super day and remember to take a risk this week!
Mary
On April 23, 2008, I spent part of my day documenting the arrival of spring. Maybe I had to prove to myself that the long winter season is behind me. I don't know. Anyway, I took this photo to use as a backdrop for a fairytale scene. I think it is the perfect forest for little magical winged creatures.
Click on this for the large version and save it for yourself. Your mission: Make it Magical! Have fun!
Where are the magical forest folk?
-Mary
David Rogers is a artist who works with wood. He does amazing things. His Big Bugs exhibit travels around and I had the honor of seeing some of his work on Wednesday, April 23, before the official opening at the Morton Arboretum.
You can read about David Rogers at the Morton Arboretum site. The link opens in a new window.
I counted a total of three ants. These things are HUGE!
I'm glad it's not real. Thought of horror films flash in my mind! The Big Bug Invasion at a theater near you.
How about a ladybug? Artella's own Aunt Bobby draws awesome ladybugs, so here's one for you! I actually thought about our Bug Drawing contest.
Here's lookin' at you kid!
And then there is this adorable Praying Mantis. How cool is this? I swear it is 15 feet tall.
I sat on stone steps as I captured this beauty of a dragonfly zooming by!
I didn't take photos of the spiders and the grasshopper, or the bugs not up yet. I am saving those for a good excuse to spend the day there next week. This wonderland is only 5 minutes away from me. I can't wait to go again!
If there ever was a reason to love bugs, here it is! They're not so scary after all.
Mary
We've had such a long winter here in Chicago. Only 10 days ago I was wearing my winter coat. So I decided to check things out. I wanted proof that Spring has actually arrived. Sure, we had the Spring Equinox, but is that enough proof? I decided that it was necessary to do a little detective work on my own.
On Wednesday, April 23, I went to my nearby Morton Arboretum...just to check things out. If spring is really here, this is the place to find out. I took a camera so I could document my findings in case no one believes me. Haha. One would think that I live in the "Show Me" state!
I found buds and lots of them!
Manchurian Walnut bud (below)
Of course I had to find flowers. If you have flowers year around, you are so lucky! I was on a mission.
Wow! This is a good start! How pretty is that yellow flower? And how about this one! Yipee!
And yet another flower! (below) Oh Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy! A real photographer pointed this one out to me as I searched for the one on the tree that wasn't moving so much by the wind. He's a real photographer because he had the best...and a tripod. I used to have all of that heavy equipment.
Then I happened upon the "Daffodil Glade." It was so sweet to see an elderly couple sitting on two chairs in the middle of a wash of yellow. I wish I had that sort of relationship. Comfortable. Trusting. Someone who actually likes to be around me. I do believe that each time I see a daffodil, I will remember the couple sitting in the field of daffodils, just being with each other. It gives me Hope that even I will find someone who cares.
There's my proof that spring has really arrived in Chicago, IL USA. I took a total of 99 photos so I will add some of my other favorites in my Gallery. I wanted to use these to tell my story. Spring is about new beginnings and fresh starts (but I think people think that New Years is for that) and Hope.
Celebrate the newness of Life. It is so miraculous!
Mary
Eric Maisel Ph.D. is on a Virtual Book Tour for "The Van Gogh Blues - The Creative Person's Path through Depression" which is a recently released paperback edition. Eric Maisel has written over thirty inspiring books, including Fearless Creating, Coaching the Artist Within, Creativity for Life, Affirmations for Artists, Ten Zen Seconds, and The Creativity Book.
I have the honor of hosting Eric on my blog Monday, March 3, 2008. This is Eric's latest stop on his virtual book tour and I had the opportunity to ask him a few questions.
1. Until I read Van Gogh Blues in January, I had never considered lack of meaning in my life as the reason for my anxiety and depression diagnoses. Now in hindsight, I see a crystal clear connection between my episodes and not feeling that life held meaning. How can someone get past frustration over time wasted in medical care, when doctors have not addressed "meaning"?
E: No one is trained to discuss meaning or sees it as their job to discuss meaning, except the occasional existential psychotherapist (if any of them still exists). So we would have to blame everyone-literally everyone, including our parents, our teachers, and our cultural pundits-for not providing us with a vocabulary of meaning or preparing us to deal with our meaning needs. Probably we have to return the focus to ourselves and recognize that we must enact the paradigm shift from "meaning victim" to meaning-maker: to someone who takes it upon her shoulders to make conscious meaning choices and arbitrate the meaning decisions in her life.
Mary: This is a very good point. It involves our moving forward and taking responsibility for making conscious meaning intentions rather than being a "meaning victim."
2. Can you explain more about the importance of creating a life plan sentence/statement?
E: If you agree to commit to active meaning-making, you need to know where to make your meaning investments, both in the short-term sense of knowing what to do with the next hour and in the long-term sense of knowing which novel you are writing or which career you're pursuing. Having a life purpose statement or life plan statement in place serves as an ongoing reminder of the sorts of meaning investments that you intend to make, both short-term and long-term, and helps you make the right "meaning decision" about where to spend your capital and how to realize your potential. But it also necessarily changes over time, as you have additional life experiences and refine and reformulate your sense of what is meaningful to you. Create a beautiful one for right now-and then revisit it periodically, especially if the blues have crept in.
Mary: This is an important part of moving forward toward our goals. How we invest our capital (time) will determine if we are being true to our life purpose statement.
3. About a year ago, I had a meaning event when I realized that the job I held was meaningless to me despite the good salary. First, I developed physical symptoms, such as nausea before going into work, and this tuned me into the idea that something was "off." A complete physical revealed nothing unusual, so I took a risk and tendered my resignation. In your opinion, should we also pay attention to any physical symptoms that may alert us that we are not living our life in a way that provides us with meaning as we define it?
E: Yes, indeed. Existential depression IS depression, with all of the physical symptoms that come with depression, from fatigue to insomnia to mental confusion, and existential anxiety IS anxiety, with all of the physical symptoms that come with anxiety, including somatic complaints, panic attacks, and so on. When we have physical symptoms, we need to recognize that what we may be experiencing is existential depression and anxiety-that is, some profound meaning event-even as we rush off for a medical work-up. If we don't think that meaning crises can make us physically ill, we are mistaking reality.
Mary: Thank you for that clear response and reminder that existential depression carries the same symptoms because it is depression. Once we understand that the cause is existential depression, we have clear options as to the meaning decisions that we make.
4. You write about the difference between busyness and action. Could you give readers a sample of the self-talk an artist needs to begin thinking when s/he steps into action?
E: It is the difference between the phrase "I am taking action" and the phrase "I am keeping busy." We understand that difference without a lot of explanation; however, it takes courage to take real action and put aside our busy work. It is so much easier to get twenty items done off of our perpetual to-do list than to write a rich novel or break through into own painting voice. Busy self-talk sounds like "The garden needs weeding," "The laundry needs washing," "I need to check my email again," and so on-things that have a ring of truth to them but that pale in comparison to our real work. Self-talk in the service of action sounds like, "Time to spend eight straight hours on my novel."
Mary: I'm sure that we will all be more aware of whether we are keeping busy or truly making meaning investments by taking action. Thank you Eric, for your inspiration and sharing your valuable knowledge.
You can find further information about Eric Maisel's bio, books, workshops, lectures, newsletters, podcasts, and future events at his official website.
Visit Dr. Eric Maisel's Blogs filled with insightful words, podcasts, and MP3 recordings:
Your Purpose-Centered Life: A Plan for Authentic Living
Joy of Living Creatively: Tapping Your Innovation and Imagination
Purchase a copy of The Van Gogh Blues, A Creative Person's Path through Depression
On Tuesday, March 4, 2008, visit with Dr. Eric Maisel at his next virtual book tour stop There's Always Hope, right here at Artella!
It's been fun,
Mary
My winter memories range from sliding off a toboggan and sliding on the ice (I still have a small scar on my left hand) to snowmobiling like a madwoman with my then-boyfriend on the back. I decided to jump on a really small snow hill, really, I swear it was small, and his tooth hit my helmet. He had a chipped front tooth from that.
My most memorable winter event was the Chicago snowstorm of 1967. I was just a little girl at the time. I had so much fun! You see, I have this "thing" about igloos. I think it would be fun to live in one. At least, that's what I thought when I was six or so.
In January of 1967, the skies dropped 23" - 24" of snow on us in a really short period of time, and those who measured the snow said we had drifts six feet high! That was way taller than I was! So, I mostly played. I dug and dug and dug in the front and the back yards, and built up snow...making igloos! We could crawl into these things. 
I smile now just remembering how much fun I had!
Here is a picture taken in front of our house. I am the little girl on the far right side. I think we are trying to find the sidewalk.
AND, (oh, this is so exciting!) looking down at the end of the block, this picture has "Henry's" in it! Henry's was the local "McDonald's" of our neighborhood, a burger joint, back in a time when you didn't have McDonald's and Burger Kings every 2 miles. Henry's had THE BEST chocolate shakes a kid could ever want! I spent so much time there with my friends, mostly in the summer.
I can't imagine how high that snow really is, considering that the fence on the left is the separator between our 2-way street and the busy street that is built up a few feet higher than this one. That street isn't busy in the photo, is it?
Ah, the good times. When I was a little girl I lived in a pretend, creative world of adventure. My childhood was not perfect, but I sure have some great memories of myself and the things I used to like to do. I wasn't depressed or anxious or afraid. Ah, the good times.
Here are a few resources and a couple have awesome photos of the Chicago 1967 Snowstorm. The links will open a new window.
http://www.illinoishistory.com/deepsnow.htm
http://www.chipublib.org/004cgicago/disasters/snowstorms.html
http://www.islandnet.com/~see/weather/events/chisnow1967.htm
Thank you for reading about my Winter Memory. It was a pleasure to share it with you and revisit it!
Mary
Oh, do I ever have opinions about New Year's resolutions! I also have an alternative to them that I will outline below. First, I have to state that I refuse to set myself up for failure by making a long list of "Things To Do to Improve Myself." Why? Because 1.) I'll never be perfect and 2.) I've never kept even ONE resolution. So why bother.
Here's my thought process: I'll admit it is a new year at midnight. It's a holiday where we celebrate with family, food, drink, football, and cheeseballs. We laugh at ourselves when the checks we write reflect last year's date. Yeah, we'll get the hang of writing 2008 soon! Not to burst anyone's bubble here, but at 12:01 a.m., it's really just another calendar day like any other day. A turn of the page. I see a larger picture. Not everyone celebrates or even cares about resolutions. Many people have extenuating circumstances or hard lives and have no pillow to rest their heads on at night. Maybe it's my own sensitivity showing here, but realistically, for many it really is just another day.
Okay wait, before you get upset and depressed and leave my blog, I'll share my alternative to the traditional New Year's Resolutions. I have been doing this for at least ten years and it really works! I didn't do it for this year though because I thought my life was perfect one year ago and would remain so. How wrong I was, you have no idea! Everything...every thing has changed! So, oops to me!
Anyway, at the start of the New Year, I focus on my "intentions" for the next 365 days. I write my intentions as positive affirmations; for example, "I like the work I'm doing" or "I am glad to be 10 pounds lighter" or "I have more patience with my family." You get the idea.
Date your intentions, fold the paper, and place it in an envelope. It can be pretty paper in a pretty envelope, have fun with it!
This is very important: Seal the envelope!
On the envelope, write "Do Not Open Until December 31, 2008" and place the envelope in a suspense file or anywhere that makes sense to you. Set a reminder through Outlook or written calendar to open the envelope on December 31, the last day of the year.
Here's what happens: You forget about it. Heck, you can't even remember what you wrote down! You truly cannot recall! Now, December 31 rolls around and you get the reminder to open your "Intentions" envelope. For the past ten years, I open my envelope and read unfamiliar words written a year ago.
Jaw drops.
Each one of my intentions for that year was fulfilled. Sometimes I am still in the process of reaching an intention.
How did this happen? I forgot what I wrote, so I didn't consciously focus on the intentions. Gee, this is way easier than making those silly New Year's "resolutions" (snicker) that I always break anyway!
I let my subconscious do the work. "Giggle" It's so much easier to plant the seed and let it grow.
While you may make decisions in your life during the year that contribute to your fulfilling the "Intentions," trust me when I tell you that you really did forget what you wrote on that Intentions page.
Note: I read about this "Intentions" process at least ten years ago, and I wish I could recall the book so I can properly cite the source. All that I recall is that it was a book related to the Wiccan traditions. I liked the idea, I tried it, it works for me.
So, with this New Year, whether you "resolve" or "intend" I hope that all of your hopes come true! Happy New Year!
Mary
Here ye! Here ye! This is an update to my October 4, 2007, entry wherein I ruminated about what a mess my loft was. Lookie...past tense...was! Sometimes we get so overwhelmed and the issue gets so big and we don't know what to do and we do nothing. Wow, Einstein, that's a great idea, let's just stop in our tracks and do nothing about the very thing on our mind the most. LOL It took 2 months, but I did something!
Ooooh, okay, I will only do this one more time and post the before shot:
First, I joined in on Brainstorming II and got some great ideas from Artella folks about how to be more choosy about what comes up these 13 steps. So, thank you all for helping me to focus. Then I had a visit by the Magic Creative Space Fairy who has special "spatial dust" to sprinkle on us!
This is the view as I'm getting to the top step of my Creative Space. I found the floor!
This is the right side. I wonder if I can find things now? Hmmm....anything look familiar? Where's Waldo?
I love these two IKEA units on casters. The bottom three drawers are taller than the top three, which helps to make the unit very accomodating! I think the drawers are at least 20" deep as well! It took me an afternoon to put them together and yet another day to organize the contents. See the chair in the background? I loved it so much, I bought two of them. It's one of my "Happy Chairs." Everyone must have a happy chair! I just look at it and am a-mused. I have two canvases behind it screaming for paint.
Next, one of the main reasons I am grateful to have this particular roof over my head: The ceiling view from my loft. This interplay of angles and morning sunshine is inspiring! I sit here and paint or rubber stamp or think. I feel like I'm living under a powerful pyramid. I work on my Artella e-courses, I read the forum, I blog.
So there you have it, my physical space transformation. I have to say that I would have never gotten this done without attending Artella's Brainstorming II session. I say this because from this community is where I got some of the best workable ideas.
- Do not put into the space what does not contribute to its purpose
- Spend at least 10 - 15 minutes organizing similar items together
- Bring out of the space that which does not fuel my creativity
The above things seem so simple and logical. However, when one is overwhelmed by anything, it is hard to see the "simple." (refer back up to the "before" shot LOL)
So, today I leave you with this: Keep it simple, especially when you feel overwhelmed. Get back to the basics and simplify one step at a time. This was a 2-month transformation. It took longer than I wanted, and I still need a few minor things like more shelving. Yet, it feels done. It doesn't matter what it is that overwhelms you, an unfinished manuscript, the painting, the pottery design or jewelry piece you envision in your head. Your biggest project can be broken down into small pieces, and yes, you can do it! Keep it simple, prioritize the time (10-15 mins a day), and you will see results. What you do today will be done.
Hugs all around!
Mary
An angry dust devil of swirling leaves
On no particular path.
This was you.
An out of control dust storm
Carefully placing
Sand in everyone's eyes.
We cry in our pain.
The stillness of your home
It smells like Death
It feels like Death
Abrupt.
There is no sign of life.
The Music has gone deaf.
The laughter abruptly ended
As if it were
Inappropriate.
The stillness is unnerving
The smell of death
Becomes a taste in my mouth.
You're really gone.
It is what you wanted.
We just wanted you
To be happy.
We mowed your lawn and pulled the weeds.
Wish you could see it.
RIP September 4, 2007
